小女急需一篇英语短文!我需要一篇英语短文,我要背出来的!能背两分钟左右的!最好不要是自我介绍!因为那样太普遍了,可以是幽默的、讲道理的、常识的、科技的（最好不要,科技的很难的!

小女急需一篇英语短文!我需要一篇英语短文,我要背出来的!能背两分钟左右的!最好不要是自我介绍!因为那样太普遍了,可以是幽默的、讲道理的、常识的、科技的（最好不要,科技的很难的!
小女急需一篇英语短文!
我需要一篇英语短文,我要背出来的!能背两分钟左右的!
最好不要是自我介绍!因为那样太普遍了,可以是幽默的、讲道理的、常识的、科技的（最好不要,科技的很难的!）、议论的…………
初三水平就可以了（还是说的低一点好!）两分钟!
sorry,太长了，我说了我要背出来的！
那么长要我怎么背？而且两分钟就够了，你这就是读也要3-4分钟额！
比这个短点！
说的够清楚了吧，加油咯！
大概还有四到五天我就要用了，加紧吧…………
你就那么确定我不会提高悬赏分？

小女急需一篇英语短文!我需要一篇英语短文,我要背出来的!能背两分钟左右的!最好不要是自我介绍!因为那样太普遍了,可以是幽默的、讲道理的、常识的、科技的（最好不要,科技的很难的!
These days,people who do manual work
often receive far more money than clerks
who work in offices.People who work in
offices are frequently referred to as' white
collar workers' for the simple reason that
they usually wear a collar and tie to go to
work.Such is human nature,that a great
many people are often willing to sacrifice
higher pay for the privilege of becoming
white collar workers.This can give rise to
curious situations,as it did in the case of
Alfred Bloggs who worked as a dustman for the
Ellesmere Corporation.
When he got married,Alf was too embarrassed
to say anything to his wife about his job.He
simply told her that he worked for the
Corporation.Every morning,he left home
dressed in a fine blacksuit.He then changed
into overalls and spent the next eight hours
as a dustman.Before returning home at night,
he took a shower and changed back into his suit.
Alf did this for over two years and his fellow
dustmen kept his secret.AlF's wife has never
discovered that she married a dustman and she
never will,for Alf has just found another job.
He will soon be working in an office as a junior
clerk.He will be earning only half as much as
he used to,but he feels that his rise in status
is well worth the loss of money.From now on,he
will wear a suit all day and others will call him
'Mr Bloggs',not 'Alf'.
不好意思,你悬赏零分,结果还给我提出来这么多要求,是不是有点说不过去呀?你可以自己修改一下下啊,为什么不动动脑筋呢?我的水平就是这样,你要就要,不要就不要,我估计没有第二个人会再帮你了.
确定一定以及肯定.

I'm Trying to Stop It
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"
"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I a...

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I'm Trying to Stop It
"Boy, why have you got cotton-wool in your ear? Is it infected?"
"No, sir, but you said yesterday that everything you told me went in one ear and out the other , so I am trying to stop it."
“孩子，你为什么用棉花塞住耳朵？它感染了吗？”
“没有，老师。可是你昨天说你告诉我的知识都是一个耳朵里进，一个耳朵里出，所以我要把它堵在里面。”

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Samuel Ullman的经典美文YOUTH，你可以截取两段来背诵
Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind; it is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees; it is a matter of the will, a
quality of ...

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Samuel Ullman的经典美文YOUTH，你可以截取两段来背诵
Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind; it is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees; it is a matter of the will, a
quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions; it is the freshness of the deep springs of life.
Youth means a tempera-mental predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over the love of ease. This often exists in a man of 60 more than a boy of 20. Nobody grows old merely by a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals.
Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul.Worry, fear, self-distrust bows the heart and turns the spring back to dust.
Whether 60 or 16, there is in every human being’s heart the lure of wonder,the unfailing childlike appetite of what’s next and the joy of the game of living. In the center of your heart and my heart there is a wireless station: so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, courage and power from men and from the Infinite, so long are you young.
When the aerials are down, and your spirit is covered with snows of cynicism and the ice of pessimism, then you are grown old, even at 20, but as long as your aerials are up, to catch waves of optimism, there is hope you may die young at 80.
青春
塞缪尔·厄尔曼
青春不是年华，而是心境；青春不是桃面、丹唇、柔膝，而是深沉的意志，恢宏的想象，炙热的恋情；青春是生命的深泉在涌流。
青春气贯长虹，勇锐盖过怯弱，进取压倒苟安。如此锐气，二十后生而有之，六旬男子则更多见。年岁有加，并非垂老，理想丢弃，方堕暮年。
岁月悠悠，衰微只及肌肤；热忱抛却，颓废必致灵魂。忧烦，惶恐，丧失自信，定使心灵扭曲，意气如灰。
无论年届花甲，拟或二八芳龄，心中皆有生命之欢乐，奇迹之诱惑，孩童般天真久盛不衰。人人心中皆有一台天线，只要你从天上人间接受美好、希望、欢乐、勇气和力量的信号，你就青春永驻，风华常存。
一旦天线下降，锐气便被冰雪覆盖，玩世不恭、自暴自弃油然而生，即使年方二十，实已垂垂老矣；然则只要树起天线，捕捉乐观信号，你就有望在八十高龄告别尘寰时仍觉希望。

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Hi,Good morning,. My name is XXX, I come from XX. I graduated
from Guangzhou Nniversity in 2006. My major subject is computer software.I treat people with honesty .I have many hobbies ,the most i...

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Hi,Good morning,. My name is XXX, I come from XX. I graduated
from Guangzhou Nniversity in 2006. My major subject is computer software.I treat people with honesty .I have many hobbies ,the most important is that i have the responsibility for any work. At the free time, i enjoy watching sports Tv progamme. I am a good team player also i can be a nice leader.
During the University studying, i did very thing well, I improved myself in kinds of area. I had a dedicated attitude toward my studies. Thank you
记住发给老外或学校的时候标题大写，文章是2.0double距离。名字时间右下角。老外讲究规范。
我翻译的应该不错

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School! Go Slowly! (学校！慢行！)
Paul is always late for school.
It is ten past eight in the morning. The students are having English lesson in the classroom. Paul opens the door and comes in.

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School! Go Slowly! (学校！慢行！)
Paul is always late for school.
It is ten past eight in the morning. The students are having English lesson in the classroom. Paul opens the door and comes in.
“Paul, why are you late for school every morning?” his teacher asks. “When do you leave home?”
“I leave home at a quarter to eight,” Paul answers.
“Is your home far from our school?” his teacher asks.
“No, about ten minutes’ walk.”
“Then why are you late?”
“Every day on my way to school I see a sign. It says: School! Go slowly!”
译文：
保尔上学经常迟到。
早上八点十分，同学们正在教室里上英语课，保尔推门进来。
“保尔，为什么你每天早上上学都要迟到呢？”老师问道，“你是什么时候离开家的？”
“我是七点三刻出门的。”保尔答道。
“你家离学校很远吗？”老师又问。
“不远，步行十分钟”
“那你怎么会迟到呢？”
“每天我在上学的路上总看到一个标记，上面写到：学校！慢行！”

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（1）Bedtime Prayers
Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "Make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."
Her mother interrupted and said, "Julie...

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（1）Bedtime Prayers
Julie was saying her bedtime prayers. "Please God," she said, "Make Naples the capital of Italy. Make Naples the capital of Italy."
Her mother interrupted and said, "Julie, why do you want God to make Naples the capital of Italy?"
And Julie replied, "Because that/’s what I put in my geography exam!"
睡前祷告词
朱莉叶在做睡前祷告。“祷告上帝，”她说，“让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧。”
妈妈打断她说：“朱莉叶，你为什么求上帝让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都呢？”
朱莉叶回答说：“因为我在地理考卷上是这么写的。”
NOTE
bedtime prayers睡前祷告
Make Naples the capital of Italy让那不勒斯成为意大利的首都吧
Make + do sth是使什么什么怎么样的意思
（2）A mobile phone call
A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that
she was out of credit; she instructed her son - to use his own phone to
pass across an urgent message to daddy who is at site.
After junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that it was a
lady that picked up daddy/’s phone the three times he tried reaching dad on
the mobile. (Women!!) She waited impatiently for her husband to return from
site, immediately she sighted him, she gave him a very hot slap, while the
man was trying to ask why? She repeated the slap, people from neighborhood
rushed around to know the cause of this.
The man asked junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he
called, junior said "the number u are Trying To call Is not Reachable At
（2）The Moment. Pls Try Again Later".
Speech-recognition software
At a recent Sacramento PC User/’s Group meeting, a company was demonstrating
its latest speech-recognition software.
A representative from the company was just about ready to start the demonstration and asked everyone in the room to quiet down.
Just then someone in the back of the room yelled,
"Format C: Return."
Someone else chimed in (插嘴）:
"Yes, Return"
Unfortunately, the software worked.
（3）80 years old
An 80-year-old woman married an 85-year-old man. After about 6 months together the woman wasn/’t feeling well and she went to her doctor. The doctor examined and said, "Congratulations Mrs. Jones, you/’re going to be a mother."
"Get serious Doctor, I/’m 80."
"I know," said the Doctor, "This morning I would have said it was impossible, but this afternoon you are a medical miracle."
"I/’ll be *ed," she replied and stormed out of the office. She walked down the hall and around the corner to where the telephones were. In a rage, she dialed her husband.
"Hello" she heard in his familiar halting voice. She screamed, "You rotten son of a *. You got me pregnant!"
There was a pause on the line. Finally her husband answered "Who/’s calling please?"
（4）Logic Reasoning 逻辑推理
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin
g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can/’t swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"
逻辑推理
小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？” 一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？”

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Stories about English Humor 英语幽默故事
Where is my cat ?
Jeff’s favorite food is fish . And when he had enough money, he always bought some and took them back to his home for his dinner in the ev...

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Stories about English Humor 英语幽默故事
Where is my cat ?
Jeff’s favorite food is fish . And when he had enough money, he always bought some and took them back to his home for his dinner in the evening. But when his wife saw the fish, she was always very happy and said to herself ,“ Ha! Now I will invite my friends to lunch and we will eat this. They like fish very much，don’t they?.”
So when Jeff came home in the evening after work, the fish was never there and his wife always said,“Fish? oh, your cat ate it! What a terrible animal!” And she gave Jeff some soup and bread for his dinner.
But one evening when this happened again, Jeff became very angry. He took his cat and his wife to the shop near his house and weighted the cat carefully. . Then he turned to his wife and said , “My fish weighed pounds. This cat weighs three pounds, too. My fish is here , you say. Then where is my cat?”
我的猫呢？
杰夫对食物有一嗜好，那就是吃鱼。并且每每有几个闲钱时，总要买点回家准备在晚饭时饱餐一顿。不过，杰夫的老婆一看到鱼也会很兴奋并喃喃自语道：“ 哈，哈， 俺又可以请朋友午饭时来尝尝鲜了，他们不都好这一口吗？”
所以，每当杰夫晚上下班回到家时，鱼总没见着,他老婆还总说，“鱼啊？哦，你那只猫吃了,真是一可怕的动物！”
不过，一天傍晚，当这一幕又重演的时候，杰夫火了。他把老婆和猫一并带到隔壁的商店并仔细地把猫给过称，然后对他老婆说道，“看看，我的鱼三磅重，猫也三磅重，如果我的鱼在这儿的话，那么，你说，我的猫在哪儿去了呢？”

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