哪位大大帮我给这个sat作文评分并提提意见 Assignment:Do people achieve more by cooperation than competition.ESSAY:It is undoubted that people achieve more by working together than just work as an individual.iPhone,one of the most popu

哪位大大帮我给这个sat作文评分并提提意见 Assignment:Do people achieve more by cooperation than competition.ESSAY:It is undoubted that people achieve more by working together than just work as an individual.iPhone,one of the most popu
哪位大大帮我给这个sat作文评分并提提意见
Assignment:Do people achieve more by cooperation than competition.
ESSAY:
It is undoubted that people achieve more by working together than just work as an individual.iPhone,one of the most popular smartphones in the market,is a baby,raised my Apple Inc.and many cell phone network operators in the world.“Made in China” is another one of the best definition of achieving more by cooperation.What’s more,Audible Inc.,a popular company sells digital audiobooks online,instead of just running its own online store; it chose to work with iTunes Store in order to get a bigger success.
IPhone,one of the most popular smartphones in the market,is one of the best examples of achieving more by cooperation rather than competition.Instead of selling it in Apple Store ONLY,Apple is working with many cell phone network operators in the world.Take AT&T as an example,which is the operator that Apple is currently working with in the US.The cooperation not only brought Apple a lot of profit,but also brought many new customers to AT&T as well.
As iPhone is a very good example which clarified cooperation will bring people more than competition in the field of technology,“Made in China” is the best one to exemplify this truth in economy.In the contemporary society,the cooperation between developed country and developing country is rather important than ever before.The former one designed many high-tech products which the latter one cannot.Compared with working alone,developed countries try to cooperate with those developing countries,letting them produce the high-tech produces with high quality.This action not only brought developing countries more opportunities,but also increased their need of jobs.
Now,there is another very strong example to support this idea in Digital Publishing Industry.Audible Inc.,one of the most famous online audiobooks sellers in the world,did not run its online store to sell digital audiobooks only.It chose to work with iTunes Store,one of the most popular digital music stores run by Apple Inc.,instead.After the cooperation,these two bellwethers of their own fields even increased 20% on their enterprise performance.This is clear enough to show that cooperation will let people achieve more than competition.
It is undeniable that there are thousands of examples than the ones listed:Apple’s iPhone cooperates with network operators; Developed countries cooperate with developing countries,and Audible cooperates with iTunes Store.They are all strong enough to show that people always achieve more by cooperation rather than competition.
应该是raised by Apple Inc.

哪位大大帮我给这个sat作文评分并提提意见 Assignment:Do people achieve more by cooperation than competition.ESSAY:It is undoubted that people achieve more by working together than just work as an individual.iPhone,one of the most popu
7-8分左右.观点和例证表述完整.语法基本正确.字数足够.（根据我的经验达到这三点就有8分了）
不足的是没有展开论述,例子占据了过多的篇幅,两个例子过于雷同.没有跳出托福作文（或雅思或新概念）的模式.第四段的第一句和第五段第一句基本上是多余的.
SAT考察的是思想的深度而不是论证一个题目的能力.要拿高分必须有辩证的观点和成熟的论述（最好要有层次）,堆积例子并不能达到目的（更何况是这种很普通的例子）.CB的阅卷官最希望看到的就是能打破常规来思考的文章.
不过话说回来,25分钟想都别想构思.拿到卷子就写也不一定能写够字数.8分对于大部分人来说都是够用的了.所以LZ不用太担心.但是一定要跳出现有的死板的写作模式

第一段和第二段怎么重复了？
没有仔细看，感觉还可以，不过似乎都局限在电子产品里了。每个例子都没有展开来详细的说明白。
建议不要贪多，把前因后果什么的都论述明白才可以。
建议你平时练手写的。
至于语言，文笔需要锻炼。我语法不咋地，就不误导你了．．．．...

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第一段和第二段怎么重复了？
没有仔细看，感觉还可以，不过似乎都局限在电子产品里了。每个例子都没有展开来详细的说明白。
建议不要贪多，把前因后果什么的都论述明白才可以。
建议你平时练手写的。
至于语言，文笔需要锻炼。我语法不咋地，就不误导你了．．．．

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词汇需要Update.